I went for ultrasound Number 2 yesterday and so far everything looks fine. The baby looks less like an alien this time and is about 6cm long (according to the person doing the ultrasound who's title I do not know). Andrew came with me this time and was pretty quiet during the whole thing. I'm glad that he came, but I left feeling some disappointment at his lack of expression. I kind of thought that he would be more expressive and more excited because it is his baby too, but he was is regular subdued self. I guess that I shouldn't have such high expectations for Andrew in terms of his being more expressive and showing his excitement.....then I won't be so disappointed when he doesn't....but I find it hard. I grew up in a family where people are happy and excited for each other when good things happen and they should it by smiling and in the way that they speak with enthusiasm. Even my friends (in Canada) and Becks are like this and I love it because it makes me feel excited and happy about things and also happy to know that they are excited for me. But Andrew didn't grow up like that and as much as I try to remember this, I still find it difficult to adjust to. I feel like I am so much more subdued about things...to the point where I find myself not even expressing my own excitement or feeling excited about things because I have no one around here who is enthusiastic like me. I kind of feel like I am losing myself here and who I really am. I'm not saying that Andrew isn't excited about the baby, he just doesn't show is excitement. I wish that we were in Canada so that I could be around people who are excited for me. I guess I just feel like I am missing being "me" if this makes any sense. I feel like all I do is work and cook and clean and prepare for my calling and do my calling and visit teach and that's it. We never go out because we need to "save" money and pay off the car and Andrew is always stressed about money and stuff like this. We don't go on dates. We never go out for dinner (We haven't been out for a really, nice dinner since I came here) we are always saving saving saving. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like a machine and doing things on my own all of the time. I'm tired of not feeling like myself and not being myself. I'm tired of missing my family and friends.

I know, this post is a vent and I am sure that my feelings are more heightened these days, but I just get so frustrated and sad. WHY do we have to be so far away from the people that I LOVE? I miss Laura and Edith and Karey and my mom and Laine and Eman and Oma and Izzy....I miss laughing with my friends over silly and crazy things....I miss summer and slurpees and Vancouver 1st Ward and all of my friends there. I miss my job and my friends there. I miss the island and swimming at the beach and the warm sun. I miss the Douglas Fir trees. I miss everything. I've decided that I want to save up to go to Canada for a visit next year. I have to. I don't care what it takes...I'm going to do my best, while I am working at least to save up and go. I have to. Anyways, sorry about the vent. I just miss all of you guys and I'm feeling sad and lonely lately.