It is April already and I can hardly believe it. Where does the time go? I've been here for just over two months now, though it really does seem like much, much longer because so much has happened. However, things are starting to settle for us and the kids are starting to get into routine. 

Bethany started 4 year old Kinder yesterday (Preschool). I got her into a Kinder that is just down the road from where we live so we can walk there. It takes us about 10 minutes maximum. I like being able to walk her to "school". There is something wholesome and good about it. Anyway, she goes 3 days a week from 9-2pm. She loved her first day and made some new friends already. I am so glad because she has been talking about / worrying about making new friends. Also, one of the head teachers there is a member and she is in my ward and Andrew knows her and her children from NZ so this is an added bonus. 

I've met a few people at church but it is has been a little hard because I have been staying in nursery quite a bit with Jeremy. They only have 1 Nursery Assistant in our ward (who is on the verge of being released) and about 5 kids in nursery....a bit too many for one adult so I have been staying to help out. There is an issue in our ward with people not accepting callings, so unfortunately, there are lots of calling to fill in Primary especially. I don't have a calling yet, but I don't think that I will get one for about 6 weeks or so because everyone here who has a calling is required to have a "Working with Children" Check from the Australian Government. Even members. This is what our Bishop told us. So I have applied for mine and need to wait until it comes in order to get a calling. I have no idea where I will be called but I am sure that it will be in a place where I am needed. 

Well, Baby #3 is not to be after all.....at least not this time around. I miscarried around the 15th of March. I don't exactly when..but I started spotting earlier that week and then bleeding heavily. I went to the hospital and waited forever to see someone and got ultrasounds (they couldn't see much at this time) and blood tests and then got another ultrasound two days later and the technician couldn't see a baby anymore. 

I was so, so, so sad. I tried hard not burst into tears when the technician told me this because I was with both kids and Bethany is sensitive to these things. But...a few escaped. That night, after the kids were in bed I cried and cried and cried. The loss felt so big to me. After all of the difficult things that have happened here, I felt like this was the worst thing that could happen. I really wanted this baby. I felt like I had given up so much to move here for Andrew to go to school and now this baby was taken as well......it just didn't seem fair. Why this trial? How much more did I need to suffer?

I have let myself cry and grieve this loss. I have also said many, many prayers for peace and understanding and I know that they have been answered. I don't know why this baby was taken, but I've made peace with the knowledge that Heavenly Father must have needed him or her more than we did. 

I hope that we can have another baby some day, but for now I will wait and let my body and emotional "self" heal instead of focusing on the loss.