Hi. It's me. I'm the big 37 now. I don;'t know what 37 is supposed to feel like but I don't really feel old until I realize that that is how old I am.

It's 7:53 pm and both of my kids are asleep. YAY!!!! Jeremy is cutting his first two teeth and is really, really, REALLY having a hard time of it. Poor kid! He has a cold too and is kind of sniffly so this isn't helping matters. I made some teething rusks for him (from scratch...it is so easy and better than the boring store bought ones that he doesn't like anyway) and he seems to be alright with them. The past week or so he has been getting better and better at holding things in his hands and putting them into his mouth so I was pleased to see that he can put the rusk in his mouth on his own as well. Bethany was kind of bored today I think because we didn't go out and do anything except for going for a short Visiting Teaching message and then home again. Not that we have to go out every day but she just has so much energy and our place is so small (small then the apartment that Laura and I had on Montcalm...I kid you not) that she goes kind of stir crazy I think and frankly, so do I. We don't even have a decent yard. So she has been alright today but from about 3pm on she was really pushing my buttons and was moody and miserable and I didn't have the most patience either because I was trying to deal with a fussy baby and get dinner together and she was at my heels like a little dog. By the time she went to bed we had both had it and she gave me a grumpy look as I said good night and went to take care of the screaming little man. Sigh.....the joys of parenting.

So I'm glad that are both sleeping. I am getting tired of being in this small place. I don't know how people do it living in tiny apartments with kids. I just don't. We have been in here for over two years now and I am feeling that the time has come to move on. I feel like a change is imminent this year...not sure when but this year. I think that because I am a stay at home mom....I'm particular about my environment. I need space....I need light and windows, I need organization...I need to NOT have to always move things to make room for other things. So anyway....that's that.

I'm feeling a little irked by my neighbors. I'm not a big fan of them in teh first place because they have had many a domestic disagreement / shouting match / burning rubber up the driveway with squealing tires in the middle of the night which always wakes me up. I mean we are in such close proximity to them and with single pained windows you an hear everything. NOT COOL! But we try to be polite to them. The other day they asked if they could park one of their cars behind Andrew's stationary car (which he promises me he will clean up and sell......sometime.....maybe this year will be the lucky year) while they waited to take it to some kind of sign makers. We were like sure....it's only temporary...or so we thought. They made it sound like it was temporary. Well, the cars have been to the signmakers a couple of weeks ago and have been used and everything since and......they still periodically park one of the cars behind Andrew's car without even asking. It's not even their part of the driveway! I tell you, you give someone an inch and they take a mile. True, the car being there isn't hurting anyone because Andrew doesn't drive his car anyway...but for me it is the principle of the matter....it is not their driveway and having the car there does make it more tricky (but not impossible) for me to get out. I don't know why this even bothers me...but it does. I want to say something but what do I say? I mean I don't have a valid reason for them to not park the car there. I can get out and everything...I guess that it is just the principle of it. Maybe it is kiwi culture here.....so many things here are so casual...maybe they think.....oh well they said it was ok so we will keep doing it". It's annoying though.....maybe it annoys me too because we have so little space and them having their car there feels like they are encroaching upon the little space that we already have. Anyway.....

I went for a walk at Long Bay last night and it was glorious. I love going for walks by myself at the beach. It is always one of my favorite thinking places. I was thinking about some of the dreams that I still have for myself. Like one of my dreams is for us to have our own home...our own house with a garage for storage and enough bedrooms and a decent sized kitchen for all of us. I can see us with a rancher or even a two storey house....nothing really huge but with about 4 bedrooms....and a front yard and a fenced in backyard with a sandbox for the kids and a swingset and a veggie garden and a clothes line and trees and plenty of room for the kids to play. When I picture this place I can hear windchimes blowing in the breeze (sometimes I hear the tinkly ones and sometimes I hear wooden ones) and I see myself sitting on the porch in a chair and thinking. One of my dreams is to have a dog too....not a big one but maybe a jack russelll...something not too yippy...a dog that is loyal and follows me around and of course to have a cat too...I mean a home isn't a home without a cat! Another one of my dreams is to finish my piano training and teach piano (well...right now it is just to own a piano). I love the piano and I miss playing. It was always a type of release for me and it was something that I could be proud of because I was good at it. Another dream of mine is to learn how to sew. Seriously. I want to learn how to use a sewing machine and be able to make things....even simple things like bean bags. I do.

 I think that it is important to still have dreams and goals of things that I want to do.Sometimes I try and figure out what I will do for a job later in life when my kids are in school and then I start to feel stressed because no one will want to hire me as a teacher and do I really want to teach again anyway and THEN I come back to reality and think "HOLD ON"....your kids are only little and you have many years at home with them still so why are you getting worked about the future? Yeah, I'm a little nutty at times.

Meanwhile...Kuma has been super naughty by knocking over his water dish and spilling all of the water...it DRIVES ME NUTS!!!! What gives man? I give him fresh water and he has the nerve to spill it all over the place....grrr.......