Elicia...post baby

I think that this is my first blog since having Bethany 4 and a half weeks ago. I should write about my labour and birthing experience because I am sure that a few of you out there are anxious to know about it. Only Karey and Larissa know about it (I am referring to blog readers). I don't feel like getting into it right now though so I will leave it for a later blog. It was emotionally traumatic for me and I hope that I don't have a similiar experience in the future. Let's just say that Heavenly Father was really looking out for Bethany and I am so grateful for this. She was born healthy and safe and that is main thing.

So...being a mom. Wow....it is busy and ALOT of work and I love it but I also find it hard at times. I find it hard to have much, much, MUCH less sleep (most of you know how I love my sleep - especially those who have lived with me...Laura, Karey, Edith, Laine) and even finding time to grab something to eat or take a shower gets pretty tricky. Sometimes, like today, I get grumpy and frustrated with trying to figure out why Bethany is crying and being patient with the crying (she gets herself really worked up when she wants to and has a good set of lungs on her I tell you). Is it normal to feel like this at times? I think that I just get weary...that's all.

There are a lot of things going on for me right now too, which is why I think that I am extra tired and feeling extra impatient. My Oma is quite sick in the hospital and this is stressful for me because I am all the way over here and am not able to find out every day what the status is or see her obviously. Oma hasn't been well for awhile now and fell out of bed a couple of weeks ago and had to go to the emergency and it turns out that she has pneumonia and a bladder infection. So, I'm really not sure what will happen. She is 94 years old and has a lived a long life. She is "one tough lady" as my Uncle Simon says....but she is also 94. So, yeah. Her ill health has been weighing on me greatly. I am trying to get passport stuff organized for Bethany because I feel like I need to go back home within the next couple of months..or really as soon as possible. I feel like if I don't go soon it will be too late. But also, I am just really missing my family right now and I need my mom. She is one of my Oma's main caregivers and even when / if my Oma comes out of the hospital she will need my mom's help so my mom won't be able to come here anytime soon. I think that my mom also needs me and having Bethany there would help lift everyone's spirits. I also want my Oma to meet Bethany. So we'll see what happens.

I am getting tired too of living in our tiny little place. My chest of drawers is taken up with Bethany's things so I am back to living out of a suitcase again..which sucks bigtime. I don't even have room to set out all of my suitcases so I am basically wearing the same things over and over until I can rearrange things in the spare room / storage / bike room / junk room and try to open them up. This is also a source of frustration for me. The longer I am in this place...the more that I dislike it. Summer is definitely over now (it seems like the disgusting humidity of summer left as soon as I had Bethany) and the weather has started to become cooler...especially at night. It gets so cold in here because people in NZ do not believe in central heating and I am worried that Bethany will get sick. Our place basically sucks.

Anyways, I am sorry that this is so negative. I just get tired of things and I guess too that I am feeling kind of lonely these days. I should go out and do things, but I get worried about how Bethany will be - like if she will fuss or even feeding her in public etc. I should just not worry about these things though and go for it. It gets lonely at home on my own with no one to talk to.

On a more postive note though, I had a really, really great Easter here which absolutely tops last years' when I has here by myself and bought my own Easter eggs (I won't get into that though). On Easter Sunday Bethany was blessed. She looked soooooooooooo cute in a pink and white striped dress outfit and pink booties and a pink cardigan that Mrs. Hogan had someone make for her. She was so good too and didn't even cry when Andrew said the blessing. Since neither of us have family here we chose some good friends to be in the blessing circle - Alan, Richard, Brendan, David Rich and Brother Maire. Becks and Alesha and Aalyana and Jen and her girls and Naomi and Xavier all came for it. It was really special. I'll post pictures soon. Then, that night, we had our friends Jason and Larissa and Alan and Naomi and Xavier over for Easter dinner. I've always grown up having a family Easter dinner and since none of us had family to have Easter dinner together and I thought - why don't we all have it together? So we all crowded into our tiny place (I think that we just fit) and had chicken and roasted potatoes (Andrew wanted me to make them...he says that he likes my roasted potatoes...I take this as a compliment because he doesn't often comment on the things that I cook and that he likes) and salad and feijoa and apple crisp for dessert. It was a lot of fun having everyone over...good times and good laughs...both of which I really needed.