We got a new car, Well, a new second-hand car I mean. It's red. It's a seven seater. It has rear tinted windows (a good thing for here in NZ where the sun is so bad - there IS a whole in the ozone layer over this country). It is a 1994 Honda Odyssey. I haven't driven it yet because I drove Andrew to the pick up place today and left him there while I took the kids home for dinner. We've sold out current NISSAN WINGROAD and the guy who bought it picks it up on Saturday. I will be glad to be rid of it. It hasn't been working properly for months and no one has seemed to know what the problem is until a few weeks ago when were finally told that it needs a new transmission = $4500. Are you kidding me? We could get another, (better) car for less than that so this is what we did. I seriously never want to buy a Nissan again. So I'm looking forward to driving the Odyssey and having much more room in the back for car seats and kids etc.

Tommorow is ANZAC DAY. Which is kind of like our Remembrance Day in Canada where we honour the soldiers in the war. The poppies that they sell are different here. I don't think that Flander's Fields is as big here either because the Australian and NZ troups weren't really in that part of Europe that much. They still coin the term "Lest We Forget" though. There is a dawn service beginning at 5:30am tomorrow. I was thinking of going to it. I may or may not take Bethany. We'll see.

My spirits have been low as of late. Well, for quite awhile. You know, sometimes it takes me a long time to realize that my spirits are low and that I am no myself. I mean I feel like this at times, but then I try to just forget about it and shrug it off as I get busy with other things like looking after my kids and running a household etc. But the feeling hasn't really gone away. My spirits are low. I talk to A about it but it doesn't really help that much. He is not accustomed to people talking about their feelings (they don't do this in his family) and he really has no clue about what kind of encouragement to give or positive words or even words of comfort (this is so detrimental when raising you kids - please, those of you who are parents or aunties or uncles or work with kids.....please teach them how to say positive, encouraging things to others). I took it for granted that most people know how to do this - not so.A really just doesn't understand how I feel and he is soooo busy with work and school that I don't get much of his time anyway. I'm like a single mom in many ways. At least this is what it feels like.

There are issues in nursery which is contributing to my low spirit. Our nursery leader seems to have lost all excitement for nursery this year. Every Sunday she does the exact same thing. She has the same snack and brings out the same four toys (play dough, a train set, a car thing, a doll house - all for 11 kids to share and play with for nearly two hours) and nothing else. There is no music, no books. Basically, Bethany is quite reluctant to go to nursery and when I pick her up two hours later she is tired and grumpy and basically loses it in the car and is miserable for the rest of the day. This happens every Sunday. There are only two leaders in there for 11 kids and the leader doesn't want help unless she asks for it (even though she clearly needs it with 11 kids and one leader who doesn't even talk to the kids). She won't bring out more toys (or even different toys) so people who are asked but the Primary Presidency to go in there and help have the sneak them in. The main nursery leader's husband is on the bishopric and he is over Primary and he doesn't want his wife released so he refuses to release her. I've been in nursery and observed the kids in there - Bethany included and she is so bored there. She is one of 3 older kids (the other two are boys) and there is nothing stimulating for her, which is why she is bored. She doesn't really get much attention or anyone talking to her unless she is "helping." A lot of other kids  - especially the ones who don't make a fuss don't get any attention either. Anyway, I am sick of dealing with a miserable child on Sunday and nothing seems to be changing so I'm just going to limit B's time in there and pick her up early.

Finances are always a concern. How are we going to afford this and how are we going to afford that?

I feel like there is always stress about living here. I feel like a pioneer here in many ways. Power is so expensive - I've become a nazi about unplugging appliances after using them. I never used to do this, but living here (and with A who is a perfectionist) has encouraged me to be like this. I don't even like being like this!

I think that maybe I am just done. Done with being in NZ where we have little hope of getting ahead and done with Andrew working late all of the time and feeling like I am doing everything. Just done.