Tired

Today is a day when I don't feel much like doing anything. I got up at 7 to feed Kuma and say good-bye to Andrew and then went back to bed an hour later and slept for a few hours more. I must have been really tired because I didn't even hear the phone ring. Go figure.

I haven't been sleeping so well lately. I've actually been having some disturbing dreams. Last night I dreamt that I stole someone's bicycle and rode it down the stairs of a building and then I was afraid of getting caught so I ditched the bicycle and then walked the rest of the way through some jewellery stores that sold a lot of beads. In another part of my dream I was on the bus with people I knew and I took my black boots off because my feet were hot and then I couldn't find them after the bus stopped. Someone had stolen them. I was so upset because they were my favourite boots and I had bought them in Canada and they were a piece of Canada that I took with me. I saw a girl wearing them and a friend of mine here offered to get them back for me and she did and then I felt better but I was still shaken that they had been stolen in the first place because they were MINE. Weird eh?

So it is nearly Easter Weekend. I will be spending it sans my family and sans Andrew because he will be in Australia. His mom is having some problems and it is causing quite a bit of stress and strife with him and his siblings and he felt that it would be helpful for him to go over there and hopefully help it get taken care of so that things don't keep lingering on (this has been going on for a few weeks now and we have been getting calls from his sister Sarah every few days or so). I am sad that we won't get to spend our first Easter together and also envious that he gets to spend it with family and I don't. "I'll be working most of the weekend (helping his mom get her house ready to sell)" he said, but really, he still gets to at least have Easter dinner with family. I pointed this out and he didn't have much to say. He feels bad leaving me, but we both felt that if he goes hopefully he'll help it all get sorted out. I hope so too.

It is hard for me not to be somewhat resentful of his mom and the precarious positions that she is putting her kids in, but really, I think that she is depressed and not really thinking about anyone else and pressure and hardship that she is putting on her kids. Andrew asked if it would help her if he came and she said "yes" but now it turns out that she is working all weekend and so Andrew will end up doing all of this work around her house by himself! That is so not cool! Anyways, I am glad now that I am not going because I don't want to tons of work all weekend. I can't go anyways because my passport is at immigration and I am already in the country illegally.

I told Andrew to make sure he makes time to do things that he wants to do there too like go shopping because variety in pretty much everything (clothes, food, beauty products etc.) is wayyyyyyyyyyy better in Australia than it is here in NZ. He needs to buy me a cell phone anyways so he is going shopping.

So, I do have Easter plans. On Good Friday I will probably clean the house and go to my friend Laura's place and spend part of the day with her and her family. Saturday, Sunday and Monday I will spend with Becks and her family. I am glad to have these people here who love and care for me. Though I still miss all of you back at home!

So the Montessor job that I am pretty much a "shoe in" for? Well....I have been thinking about it and I am thinking that it might not be the job for me. It sounded really great at first, but the more I find out about it and the circumstances, the more I realize that it will probably be ALOT of work...as in more work than a teacher usually has. This Montessori class is based in a school that isn't at all Montessori and I would be the only montessori teacher there (this means no other montessori support in the school). The class and I would be responsible for cleaning the classroom (including vaccuming the floors.l..what?????? The custodian always does the floors!), planning and teaching the curriculum of course and working with parents and attending meetings (this is all normal), but also liasing with other preschools to facilitate transitions into the class (uhhh, usually this is job of the principal), plus, it doesn't look like I would get any prep time because the kids don't have music or art or any specialist classes and I would probably have to supervise them at lunch too). The class is trying to be set up, but I am thinking that I don't want to be the teacher who works like a dog to set things up and help them run smoothly. I've done that before and I am just not into doing that, especially in a school that is still transitory and where I don't have any other montessori support in the school.

So I contacted the president of the parent board of this school and told him. I felt bad doing it because they are in a precarious position with their current teacher leaving so soon and needing someone fairly quickly, but it just doesn't feel right to agree to something so quickly and I feel like I need to keep my options open. It is important for me to be in a really supportive school as well and I don't feel like I would get the support I needed in this small school.

Anyways these are just some different thoughts I've had.