Well, it's quiet in the house. It is quiet because it is just me and the cats and the tv isn't on and all that I can really hear is my own typing and the hum of the computer and the occasional car alarm being set outside. I don't mind it though. It's kind of nice.

I'm not going home for Thanksgiving. I decided this on my commute home from work (which took well over and hour by the way...lots of waiting......sigh) and I felt bad about calling and telling mom and Oma about it. I was sure that mom would be either mad or sad and disappointed so I was trying to prep myself for what I was going to say. When I talked to her later she was actually cool about it = a huge relief for me!

It's Oma's 92nd birthday today and I called to wish her a happy birthday and we had a short conversation because she couldn't hear me so well above all of the background noise of the visitors talking at her house. She sounded tired. I know that she loves the company but the entertaining gets tiring for her. I'm really starting to realize now how much "older" she is seeming. Oma is the "foundation" of our family, she is what ties us all together. When we don't have her anymore I sometimes wonder what will happen with the family. Will we still be as close as we are? Who will be the "leader" type person who plans all of the gatherings etc. that draw us together. We need someone like that. I can't imagine life without Oma. She's more than just a Grandma to me.....she's like a second mom in a lot of ways. I love her so much.

So I feel bad about not going home for Thanksgiving because I won't see Oma for her birthday and I won't see Hielke or Uncle Simon or mom and Eman and the Dutch relees who are visiting or Cas and Allyson....I feel bad about this and I feel bad about missing so much family stuff....I miss being with everyone and visiting and chit chatting and stuff........

But I just couldn't do the ferry thing tonight...it is such an ordeal to fight through the traffic just to get home from work and then quickly pack stuff up and then fight through traffic again to get to the terminal and find a place to park and pay for parking and then get on the ferry.....and I've been so tired and stressed about teaching lately that I just couldn't add this sort of stress to my day. And the more that I thought about it the more that I realized that I can't really afford to go to the island right now and pay for the parking and ferry costs etc. So here I am. Me and Yulaina and Scott are going to have Thanksgiving dinner together so at least I will be with some family.

So the stress at school is about me not feeling prepared. Technically this is my practicum so on top of a regular teaching job I have all of these other assignments I am supposed to be doing and man oh man......I am already behind on them. It is causing me quite a bit of anxiety because I feel the pressure. And I want to go a good job of teaching of course and there are still some subjects that I haven't introduced yet..........I know that teaching won't always be like this but man...it is BUSY now.

I hate being this busy though because then I don't seem to find the time to do things that I need to do. I've got to get myself into a better schedule so that I can be eating breakfast at home (not in the car on the way - I know, I know.......) in the mornings before I leave and making myself good dinners etc. ...it's tough though...it's tough........I miss the island though. I want to go there for a week and just hang out and do my own thing.....I nevet get bored there. I miss the ocean.